Ho-ho-ho! It’s a 24-Hour Christmas Marathon!
Occasionally in October, when inspiration strikes (and I have no other ideas), I traditionally like putting together hypothetical 24-hour Halloween-themed programming blocks, providing a hypothetical reader a hypothetical complete 6-am-to-6-am series of movies, TV episodes and various miscellany to keep the spirit of the season with them all day long. I’m not sure they’re particularly practical to put together, or even popular with my audience, but they’re fun exercises for me anyway. I find it exciting to pair media together in slowly changing tones (fun and light in the morning, devastating and confusing by the middle of the night). I’ve done at least three of them by now, and I find them satisfying every single time, even if I have no intention of ever actually watching my own programming block, nor do I expect anybody else to follow through on it either.
However, it dawned on me this year that I had never done a Christmas-themed 24-hour programming article. And, hey, why should Halloween get all the fun? So…that’s what this article is! I guess it’s fairly self-explanatory, I guess. So, imagine, if you will, it’s December 25th and you’re trying to figure out what to put on the TV as the kids and/or the cats open their presents….
6:00 AM - 7:15 AM: Christmas Commercials!
It’s probably the greatest victory of American capitalism that some of my most vivid Christmas season memories as a kid were the commercials that aired in the background of them. I’d get defensive about this, but I feel like I don’t really need to explain it. You all understand it, right? Commercials are fun when you’re a kid! Toys! Cereal! Stuff! Ads stick with you in a way they just don’t when you become an adult.
So, why not wake up early and begin the gift-opening process with some classic 90’s commercials playing in the background, just like the old days? I went with the video linked in the title simply for length, and there seem to be lots of goodies to be found within, including a Cookie Crisp ad with a jingle that turned out to still be buried somewhere in my brain, as well as a classic McDonald’s commercial that I promise you’ll know instantly if you were between the years of 1985 to 1991. However, you can also swap out this slot with a similar video that covers the decade of your childhood. 70s, 80s, 00s, they all appear to be represented on YouTube. Take your pick and enjoy!
7:15 AM - 9:00 AM: Christmas Cartoon Classics!
Okay, so I wrote about this strange collection of vintage cartoons (mostly by Max Fleischer, usually actually about Christmas) last year, and I feel like I made my case for them pretty damn well at the time, so I won’t expound on it too much more now. But, in short…do you like that specific 30s style of animation that manages to be horrifyingly janky and satisfyingly fluid? Do you like 90 minutes of animated shorts written from the perspective of post-Great Depression despair and woe? Don’t you want to meet such iconic characters as Mr. Piper, the elves Coco, Hardrock, and Joe, and a dog named Hector (even though his name is actually Princie)? Finally, don’t you want to see a cartoon featuring a Betty Boop side character that is genuinely one of my favorite shorts ever? No? Well, too bad, that’s what I put on the schedule. You’ll love it, I promise.
9:00 AM - 10:00 AM: Nicktoons Christmas! (Paramount Plus)
The morning hours feel like the perfect time to start knocking out some more classic cartoons (of the non-Fleischer variety). This year, let’s start off by plucking a couple of entries out from the vaunted 90s Nicktoon canon. There are a ton to pull from, but I’m zeroing in on just two:
RUGRATS Season 4, Episode 1: “A Rugrats Chanukah” (1996) - Never let it be said that a holiday marathon can’t be a multi-cultural experience! If you had a child in the late 80s or early 90s, there was undoubtedly a period where RUGRATS ran your lives. Almost certainly the second most-famous Nicktoon ever (behind SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS), it’s impossible to overstate how ubiquitous this cartoon was to the kids back then. So, it’s really quite impressive what the show chose to do with the massive amount of eyeballs fixated on it. To that end: to fill the gap between eras of the show (there was basically a two-and-a-half year break between seasons in the mid-nineties), Klasky-Csupo decided to create a pair of holiday specials centered around Jewish faith. One was for Passover, which we’ll cover in next spring’s 24-Hour Easter Marathon article. But the other was a Chanukah special.
It’s really great! Even if it was only a surface-level exploration of Chanukah, it would be of vital importance as children’s programming; this is how I found out there were even alternate winter holidays besides Christmas. But the episode is a genuine, sincere dive into what it means to hold beliefs that inevitably make you different, as well as the importance of passing on your values to the next generation, even if you don’t have children yourself (which is essentially Shlomo and Uncle Boris’ entire arc). Yeah, there’s lots of classic Rugrats jokey wordplay for the kids: “maccababies” and “The Meanie of Chanukah” being two of the most famous. But, if you haven’t watched it in a while, it’s worth another look this morning. It hits surprisingly hard, even to this atheist’s heart.
HEY ARNOLD! Season 1, Episode 11: “Arnold’s Christmas” (1996) - HEY ARNOLD! has always stood heads and shoulders above the other Nicktoons, mostly for its beautifully serene jazz score, and its willingness to tackle complex emotions through the prism of quirky children. This early episode is a great example of what it could do best.
Arnold is bound and determined to provide the best Christmas present ever to Mr. Hyunh, one of the members of his grandparent’s boardinghouse. That present: finding Mr. Hyunh’s daughter, who he got separated from during his flee from war-torn Vietnam. This turns out to be exactly the difficult task that it sounds, and he keeps dead-ending. Helga, who expresses her passionate love for Arnold through abject bullying, decides to secretly help him in his quest. Along the way, the episode touches on the trauma of war, the concept of self-sacrifice, and the vague uselessness of local government. The ultimate conclusion, and final shot, still brings a tear to my eye after all these years. One of the best Christmas episodes from one of the best cartoons ever.
10:00 AM - 11:30 AM: THE MUPPETS CHRISTMAS CAROL (1992) (Disney Plus)
A beloved entry in the “millenial child” canon, this movie has always been special for me, as it’s one of the very first movies I remember actually seeing in a theatre. It’s at least one of the first three, up there with FANTASIA and AN AMERICAN TAIL: FIEVEL GOES WEST. Also, it’s one of my mom’s very favorite Christmas movies. Good enough for me. Isn’t this time all about family anyway?
This movie is undoubtedly the best of the “modern” post-Henson Muppet films, with a much-lauded dead-serious, beautiful performance from Michael Caine at its center. “A Christmas Carol” is a sneakily difficult story to tell, as it completely dies on the vine unless Scrooge is both black-hearted (so we believe why everyone hates him) and likeable (so that we buy the turn at the end). Many have tried, some have undoubtedly succeeded. But Caine, like always, ends up being the best of the bunch; tell me you’re not tearing up by the time he starts singing “Thankful Heart”.
But the reason I’ve always liked THE MUPPETS CHRISTMAS CAROL is that it also makes the great decision to make Gonzo the “main Muppet” and narrator here, not Kermit, who’s otherwise engaged in the Bob Crachit role. Gonzo getting the spotlight didn’t happen all the time, so it was always special when it did. And he’s great! Just as an example, it thrilled me as a kid when he dips out of the story once it gets too scary, only for him to reemerge to tell us Tiny Tim did not die. It’s just a great time, and the perfect movie to have on during the family hours of Christmas Day.
11:30 AM - 1:15 PM: HOME ALONE (1990) (Disney Plus)
When a Christmas flick also serves as one of the best movies ever made, it makes life so much easier.
Like, do I even need to explain this one? It’s HOME ALONE, one of the very few movies I can think of that might actually be universally beloved (I do not know a single person who has seen it and didn’t like it). Okay, I will say this: the reason this Macaulay Culkin wish fulfillment/home invasion film stays fresh no matter how many years in a row you watch it isn’t its great performances from a stacked cast (John Heard, Joe Pesci, Catherine O’Hara, Daniel Stern, a cameoing John Candy!), nor its soaring John Williams score, nor its house-of-horrors-and-traps finale. It’s the script, one exclusively focused on a series of setups and payoffs, with every little detail in its chaotic opening act in place to set up its otherwise ludicrous premise. How can a family accidentally leave a child behind before a Paris vacation? John Hughes’ script makes a pretty great case.
And, of course, there’s the great final moment, summed by best by George Constanza:
“The old man got to me!”
1:15 PM - 3:00 PM: THE SANTA CLAUSE (1994) (Disney Plus)
This was a movie I latched onto as a kid almost immediately after seeing it on TV for the first time, which surprised me considering my reaction when a classmate told me about the general premise: “Wait, Santa gets killed? Why would they put that in a movie???” But, I’ve always liked it for how cozy it manages to feel, despite its inherent cynicism and borderline-mean spirit. Again, we watch Santa die, then see new Santa' Scott Calvin’s life get destroyed as his body morphs, his family life crumbles, and he loses custody of his kid. All throughout, we get Tim Allen’s hilarious barbs about how psychiatry is a scam, and I think at one point, he kind of makes a pass at a child-seeming elf?
But…you know…those are only things you really pick up on as an adult. When you’re a kid (or at least when I was a kid), you’re more captivated by the sweet magic of its message (you’re never too old to believe in Santa), juxtaposed with the sarcastic humor of Mr. Allen, a style of joking that I genuinely had never been exposed to before. I suspect a lot of people my age might feel the same about it, because THE SANTA CLAUSE is an established classic now, despite vaguely mixed reviews at the time. So, in the spirit of the season, let’s enter the late afternoon believing in SANTA CLAUSE!
3:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Seinfeld Two-Fer! (Netflix)
For a show about a bunch of Jewish people in New York, SEINFELD was surprisingly prolific in terms of Christmas episodes. Although there are two that stand out as the most popular (Season Six’s “The Race”, and Season Nine’s “The Strike”), there were a total of five no-doubt-about-it SEINFELD Christmas episodes. That count increases to seven if you count Season Five’s “The Conversion” (in which George converts to Latvian Orthodox on Christmas Day) and Season Eight’s “The Andrea Doria” (not really about Christmas, but Monk’s Cafe is decorated for the occasion). All of them are great watches, and those lesser-talked about ones (Season Three’s “The Red Dot”! Season Four’s “The Pick”! Season Seven’s “The Gum”!) deserve just as much shine as “The Race” and “The Strike” get every year, goddammit.
Anyway, this year, let’s watch “The Race” and “The Strike”.
Season Six, Episode 10: “The Race” (1994) - In which Jerry gets (accurately) accused of cheating in a high school race, and gets forced into a rematch race. More specifically to the season, however, this is the one where Kramer gets work as a mall Santa, then loses the work after being indoctrinated into communism by Elaine’s boyfriend. Don’t worry, patriots, her boyfriend gets his after Elaine accidentally blacklists him from his favorite Chinese restaurant. It’s a sign of strength that, even if there weren’t a shred of Christmas to this, it would still be a great watch during a holiday party. The conclusion of the titular race (and closing freeze-frame) is up there with the very finest SEINFELD moments ever.
Season Nine, Episode 10: “The Strike” (1997) - The Festivus episode. I gotta say, though, Festivus plays less of a role in this than you might remember. And it really isn’t as fleshed out as I had recalled: it’s really just the pole, the airing of grievances and the feats of strength (which we don’t even see!). I actually think the best storyline here is the one where George spitefully gives out donation cards to a fake charity at work (with the hilariously bland title “The Human Fund”), if only because it directly involves Mr. Kruger, one of the show’s greatest one-season wonders, into the action. I genuinely think of Kruger locking himself out of his office then just going home more often than I do the Festivus pole. Oh, and Kramer’s “HEYnobagelnobagelnobagel” chant. Happy Festivus!
4:00 PM - 6:00 PM: A COMMUNITY Christmas! (Peacock)
There are only three possible points of view when it comes to the former NBC/Yahoo Screen college sitcom COMMUNITY: you’re a diehard fan, you’ve never heard of it, or you’re sick of hearing other people talk about it.
I’m definitely in the first camp, and I can’t call Christmas a success without going through its four holiday episodes. Yes, that even includes the one from its much-maligned fourth season (a reputation that is both fair and not; if they ever release the oft-rumored COMMUNITY movie, I’ll write a whole article about the show, and get into it there). My wife and I usually watch them in this order:
Season 4, Episode 10: “Intro to Knots” (2013) - An awkward Christmas episode, as it technically aired in April, a result of the strange scheduling snafus Season Four found itself the victim of. Yes, it is the least of the quartet of COMMUNITY Christmas episodes; like many episodes from this season, the tone is slightly off, and it’s just a little self-consciously wacky (I don’t love its ending tag dipping into the Darkest Timeline). Also, I’m not sure why they decided to turn it into a tense stand-off chamber piece after teasing a DIE HARD-themed episode earlier in the year. But I think it has merits all on its own! Malcolm MacDowell makes for a wonderful villain as the professor our Greendale gang must talk into upping their grade at a Christmas party. And at this point, our core characters are so well-formed that any attempt to play them off against each other is going to hum. It’s light, but it works, especially in comparison to other Season Four installments.
Season 1, Episode 12: “Comparative Religion” (2009) - The first Christmas at Greendale is a sneakily great one, with one of Donald Glover’s best bits (trying and failing to come up with another word besides “fight”). We also have another incredible piece of guest casting, with a very-much-all-grown-up Anthony Michael Hall playing an 80’s style high school bully (again, at a community college). But what really makes it something special is the arc that Shirley (Yvette Nicole Brown) goes through here in twenty minutes. The show’s resident Christian, she starts from a place of wanting to have them all hang out for a Christmas gathering, as long as it’s on her terms, her way, everyone else’s particular beliefs or schedules be damned. As it turns out, this is her first Christmas without her ex-husband, and she’s scared of losing that family connection. Then, by the end, she’s throwing fists side-by-side with Jeff (Joel McHale), having learned to accept the particular foibles and quirks of her new, found family. It’s a great early winter finale for COMMUNITY, and one of the most underrated Season One episodes.
Season 3, Episode 11: “Regional Holiday Music” (2011) - Another COMMUNITY Christmas episode, another incredible guest star! This time, we have a pitch-perfect Taran Killam playing Mr. Rad, the show’s Matthew Morrison stand-in for an episode-long GLEE slam (boy, does that timestamp COMMUNITY). It’s maybe the most fun episode of COMMUNITY, with everyone in the main cast besides maybe getting to perform a full song showcasing both their characters (the punchline of Britta singing a song “from the heart” is a great one) and their individual comedic talents (for a long time, I was under the belief that Glover had written the rap he performs in this, although it seems that it was actually Dan Harmon). And, yes, it is absolutely vicious towards GLEE, and it was probably just in time; another year, and that FOX teen musical drama would have been on its downward trajectory, and it wouldn’t have been fun to kick it as much. But the constant framing of everything as being a step towards “regionals” remains funny to this day. Also, it’s all worth it just for Annie (Alison Brie) and her riff on the sexual nature of “Santa, Baby”.
Season 2, Episode 11: “Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas” (2010) - Not only the best COMMUNITY Christmas episode, but on the short-list of best COMMUNITY episodes, period, and a premiere example of what made the show special. On the surface, it’s a wry take on those old Claymation Christmas programs, and it would come off like a masterpiece just on those terms alone. So much work and attention to detail had to be done to pull this off; just the fact that Pierce is in a wheelchair the whole time means they had to map out the whole season ahead of time to know that plot point before animating this episode, which assuredly commenced months before anything else. But the episode is so much more than mere parody. It winds up being an ode to the ever-shifting nature of tradition and meanings, as old families pass on and new families form. It’s just an amazing episode that never fails to make me tear up every year.
6:00 PM - 7:00 PM: LOST’s “The Constant”! (2008) (Netflix)
Okay, look, it’s just not Christmas without this episode of LOST, alright? I know this one feels like a swing, given that:
a) it’s not particularly Christmas-y for most of its runtime, and
b) I’m inserting into this marathon a mid-Season Four episode of one of the most serialized network shows of the 21st century, potentially alienating those who haven’t watched the show before.
Just…roll with me on this. Even if you’ve never seen a frame of LOST before, I think “The Constant”, the fifth episode of its fourth season, still plays like gangbusters. Beyond some setup around the edges, it’s not even all that connected to the main plot. Instead, it takes a bit of a divergent path to bring catharsis to perhaps its most beloved character, the tortured romantic Desmond Hume, as he tumbles through time to reconnect with his lost beloved Penny. I’d even argue that having no knowledge of what everyone is talking about, or what’s going on is to the viewer’s advantage, putting you perfectly into Desmond’s disoriented mind, as he tries to get unstuck between two points in time (then-current day 2004 and 1996). If only he could connect with something (or someone) important to him at both points….
Look, I know it’s crazy to take an hour that spends half its time trying to explain how in-universe time travel works and call it a “character episode”, but I swear it is. And it doesn’t get Christmas-y until the end, but when it does...well, those who have seen the show know why it’s here. I spent like a whole year in this space exploring the many ups and downs of LOST’s six seasons, but this was the show at just about its very best. The perfect transition into the part of the marathon filled with the stuff that brings a tear in my eye…
7:00 PM - 7:30 PM: SCRUBS! (2001) (Hulu)
Just in time for this now-technically-the-turn-of-the-century hospital sitcom’s impending revival, let’s revisit its first (and finest) Christmas episode, “My Own Personal Jesus”. The crux of this one, in case you forgot, is that super-faithful Christmas guy Turk gets his beliefs shaken after his first Christmas Eve on call. Yes, it’s a sitcom episode that tackles maybe the biggest question there is: how can God allow so many innocent people to suffer needlessly? Also, Elliott desperately tries to find a young pregnant patient who’s run away from the hospital and is now in danger. Ready to laugh?
That feels like too much for any show to handle, and it’s not like you’d be able to pass your theology essay by citing this episode or anything, but “My Own Personal Jesus” highlights what SCRUBS at its peak could do best. It tackled major questions with sincerity (and is weirdly frank about the horrors of childbirth), while still adding something like 200 jokes, some of which involve the Janitor getting kicked in the penis. The show would eventually turn into borderline-parody, but the early days were really something special. Maybe it’s just because I watched this episode a lot during the Christmasses of my high school days, but this one always makes me feel warm to this day.
Plus, John C. McGinley dresses like the Grinch. That’s gotta be worth putting it on the marathon just for that.
7:30 PM - 8:00 PM: A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS (1966) (Apple TV)
So much of life is going back to movies and television you loved as a kid and realizing, “oh noooo this sucks”. I’ll never forget my friend in high school excitedly digging into his bootleg DVDs of his favorite 80’s cartoon He-Man and the Masters of the Universe only to realize a) it blows ass and b) he was actually thinking of the cartoon She-Ra: Princess of Power all along. I can only laugh at him so much, though, as I’ve had my own horrible revelations about things I thought were once good. For example….haha, just kidding, I’m not going to offer up an example. Are you out of your mind?
Well, the good news about the Peanuts gang’s initial television special is that A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS is the rare media aimed at children that honestly and truly only improves when you become an adult. Taking it in as a grown man knocking on the door of 40, this 25 minute masterpiece is only revealing a lot of its beauty. How could its story of a lonely-feeling kid desperately looking for meaning in a world increasingly overrun with advertisement and artificiality not hit hard now in 2025? There’s something anxiety-inducing about a show from the mid-60s illustrating all the same issues we find ourselves talking about now, but I suppose there’s also a certain comfort there, too. Pair it with amazingly sincere child actor voice performances, and you have possibly the definitive animated Christmas special ever made.
Of course, if one doesn’t want to dig in too hard to this children’s cartoon, you can always enjoy it for its inherent goofiness. All of us are hip to the insane dancing scenes by now, but it’s worth emphasizing just how insane all the dancing scenes are. I think the classic move is Frieda swinging her arms back and forth, but my favorite has always been the kid doing an early version of the Running Man. There’s also just a little bit of jank to the proceedings, with scenes lasting maybe just a frame or two too long, and many pops and hisses in this soundtrack. This might be a barrier for some, but I’ve always found it cozy, a reminder that the thing was handmade.
A reminder that something real can still exist.
8:00 PM - 10:15 PM: IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE (1946) (Amazon Prime)
In the primetime Christmas night slot, there is frankly no other option than to go with the greatest holiday movie of them all, at least in this humble reviewer’s opinion. I wrote a whole piece about this Frank Capra classic a couple years ago (and it’s an article I’m particularly proud of; you can check it out here if you’re interested), so I won’t rehash too much here. Suffice to say that, just like A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS, IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE is a story that only ages better and better as the years go on. The ultimate “working man” Christmas tale, with George Bailey caught between a sense of duty to his community and the crushing thumb of capitalist greed (represented so memorably by Lionel Barrymore’s Mr. Potter), sacrificing his present for others’ futures. Somehow, this movie rallies from the dark imagery of George about to leap off a fucking bridge on Christmas Eve with about 30 minutes to go to reach maybe the most heartwarming ending in Hollywood history. Is it manipulative? Maybe. Schmaltzy? Kinda. Does it work? Yes. Every time. A miracle of classic film-making.
10:15 PM - 12:00 AM: DIE HARD (1988) (Hulu)
I don’t have a lot of Christmas-related hot takes, but I do have at least one: if you’re one of those who likes to proclaim “DIE HARD isn’t a Christmas movie!”, I think you’re a hideous bore. You probably like correcting people who refer to the monster as Frankenstein, too. Yeah, I’m talking to you, Culkin! Well, have fun going to bed now or whatever, because the rest of us are watching DIE HARD to say goodbye to the 25th.
This feels like another entry that needs very little explanation. The odds are incredibly high that you’ve seen this Bruce Willis actioner a million times already. It’s so saturated in pop culture that there are whole other fictional franchises whose characters are infatuated with it; BROOKLYN NINE-NINE’s Jake Peralta’s whole personality is built around loving DIE HARD. And there’s a reason it’s so popular: it’s maybe the premiere example of a well-built action movie, proof that genre need not pre-determine quality. And it all starts with the performances of our main hero and villain. Willis infuses the macho action archetype that was so in vogue in the 80’s and infuses it with a much-needed everyman quality. He barely wants to be doing what he’s doing right now, which makes him weirdly relatable, you know? Then there’s Alan Rickman, who turns every one of exceptional thief Hans Gruber’s lines into goddamn poetry, instantly putting him on the Mount Rushmore of Christmas villains (right alongside Ebeneezer Scrooge, The Grinch, and Uncle Frank).
Because that’s the thing: of course DIE HARD is a Christmas movie, if only because I’ve never heard a cogent argument against it. “It’s not ABOUT Christmas, it’s just set during it!” is almost a distinction without a difference. “You could set it at any other time and the movie would be exactly the same!” Well, yeah, every movie would be not a Christmas movie if you removed it from Christmas. Also, if you just don’t feel like DIE HARD is a Christmas movie, you can always, like you know, not watch it at Christmastime. Problem solved! Leave everyone else alone!
Great, now I’m worked up, and it’s the middle of the night. Perfect time for some Christmas horror…In the primetime Christmas night slot, there is frankly no other option than to go with the greatest holiday movie of them all, at least in this humble reviewer’s opinion. I wrote a whole piece about this Frank Capra classic a couple years ago (and it’s an article I’m particularly proud of; you can check it out here if you’re interested), so I won’t rehash too much here. Suffice to say that, just like A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS, IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE is a story that only ages better and better as the years go on. The ultimate “working man” Christmas tale, with George Bailey caught between a sense of duty to his community and the crushing thumb of capitalist greed (represented so memorably by Lionel Barrymore’s Mr. Potter), sacrificing his present for others’ futures. Somehow, this movie rallies from the dark imagery of George about to leap off a fucking bridge on Christmas Eve with about 30 minutes to go to reach maybe the most heartwarming ending in Hollywood history. Is it manipulative? Maybe. Schmaltzy? Kinda. Does it work? Yes. Every time. A miracle of classic film-making.
12:00 AM - 2:00 AM: BLACK CHRISTMAS (1974) (Peacock)
The other Bob Clark Christmas movie.
2:00 AM - 4:00 AM: JACK FROST (1997)
Also known as the movie that does not star Michael Keaton. Also also known as the movie you probably knew as a VHS cover before you ever saw it. The movie itself kinda sucks, and is likely for Shannon Elizabeth completists only. But…I will say…and it’s 2 am, we’re past the point of judgment…
…I think the snowman is kinda cute. Not in a weird sexual way, just in a “not that scary” kind of way. Don’t give me that look. Santa’s still watching to see if you’re being nice, so…just watch it.
Look, let’s just wrap this up.
4:00 AM - 6:00 AM: THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL (1978)
Let’s round towards home with maybe the only choice of programming for the dead-ass of night, the infamous THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL. If you’ve never seen it, you’re in for…well, not a treat, exactly…..and not a ride, per se…but you’re in for something. The perfect blend of 70’s STAR WARS and the stock variety special, this ostensible piece of brand extension has way more Art Carney and Bea Arthur than you might have ever reasonably expected, as well as innumerable bizarre tangents, including a grandpa Wookiee watching a Jefferson Starship performance on a holodeck. There’s also a strange (but atmospherically intriguing) cartoon segment that introduced the world to Boba Fett. Oh, and Leia sings a song at the end. You probably can’t wait to go track it down and watch it right now.
Of course, if you have seen it, then you know that THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL weirdly serves as a cure for insomnia. It’s one of the most strangely paced pieces of STAR WARS media imaginable. As an example, it feels like a rite of passage for any fan of kitschy TV oddities to find a bootleg upload of this, turn it on, get to the opening scene of a Wookie family just grunting in Wookie language to each other, watch it go on and on and on and on and on
and on for thirty minutes, and slowly realize in horror “is…is this what the whole thing is going to be?” Eventually, of course, other characters who speak English arrive, but the damage is done. It’s such a glorious misfire.
So, yes, it will frankly help you fall asleep after a long winter’s night of holiday programming. Plus, it’ll be funny to wake up suddenly and see something like this on your television screen:
Merry Christmas! Get some rest. You’ve earned it.